Trust – or Why You Should Spend Time Doing Stuff With Your Dog

Many people find that they have a perfectly good relationship with their dog – until they ask them to do something the dog really does not want to do. Neither cajoling nor threatening seems to work, eliciting only a response of fear or aggression, and the dog “digging its heals in”. It is difficult to advise what to do in these situations, because the quickest solution is not always the best in the long run.

Immediate results can be achieved by simply forcing the dog to do what you want it to do, using the lead, physically moving the dog or punishing it in some way, for example by spraying water on it to make it move. Certainly a stand-off involving aggression can be quickly diffused in this way.

However, in the long run applying only these quick-fix solutions may make things worse. Some dogs will give up future struggles if “overpowered” in this way, but to many this will simply be a confirmation of the negative associations that led them to refuse in the first place, worsening the problem the next time the situation arises.

If you ever get into a situation like this with your dog, it is time to consider the problem holistically, whether you decide to use a quick fix solution or not. The problem is essentially one of trust. If your dog trusts you enough, it will not refuse to do what you tell it to do. Indeed, building trust is central to a good relationship with all dogs, whether you have problems with them or not. Many problems will never occur if you have built a good relationship of trust with your dog.

Best way to build trust.

By trust I mean a lot of things that are difficult to put into words, but I will try. If a dog trusts you, it sees you not only as a leader, but as a friend. It is not simply a matter of dominance. A dog may be cowered into obeying, but at some point it will decide that a command is simply not in its interest to follow. A dog that trusts its owner, will be safe in the knowledge that commands issued are all in its best interests and will lead, ultimately, to good things. This, of course, cannot be simply explained to a dog. It must be demonstrated, again and again, for the dog to place its trust in you.

Trust is also a two-way street. You should also learn to trust your dog. If you trust your dog, your commands will carry so much more force for the dog. If you don’t, the dog will sense either that it can get away with it, or that there is something to be unsure or scared about in the situation. Neither will make it more likely to trust in you and do as you say.

So how do you build trust? What is absolutely imperative is to spend time with your dog. Doing stuff. Sitting on the sofa next to a sleeping dog does not count! (Although downtime is also good time, sometimes, more about this elsewhere) Trust cannot be declared, or bought, it has to be earned – by both you and the dog.

The very best place and time to build trust is when walking your dog. Games and play also help, but always staying at home in your garden will not cut it. In order to build trust you must experience the world with your dog. You must negotiate new and unusual, even unexpected situations together. Note my emphasis on with and together. Walking along oblivious to your dog because you are checking your mobile phone is not walking with your dog. Taking your dog to the same small park three times a day, every day, does not set you up for new experiences.

Of course we all do these things occasionally because of our busy, modern lives, but it is important to properly go out and walk with your dog, exploring new and exciting places, at least once in a while. The walks don’t have to be long, and the new places don’t have to be far away. The most important thing is to pay attention to your dog, and explore the world with him or her. The emphasis is on active walking with, and encountering the new, together.

Friends exploring together, Finisterre.

Talk to your dog when you are walking together. Tell him or her where you want them to go, tell them where you don’t want them to go. Use your voice and your body to guide them, first and foremost, then the leash. When your dog sticks with your or comes to you, praise them and pat them. Often give them a very tasty treat. Make sure listening to you, and sticking near you, is always rewarded. Don’t just call your dog when it is distracted or running away, but periodically call it back when you know it will come, then reward with praise, pats, play and treats. Do this every walk.

Calling the dog’s name and rewarding even just attention at short distance and recall at longer distances is vital to building trust, and which is why I tell people to keep on repeating this apparently easy and pointless exercise. Why keep on calling a dog that you know will come, rather trying to “teach” it to come when it is being naughty? First of all because you have no chance of recalling your dog when it is being naughty if you have not taught it well in advance to come when you call. Second, because it builds trust.

Every time your dog comes to you and gets a overwhelmingly positive response, it understands a little bit more that listening to you is a good thing, and that you are a friend. If you only ever offer your dog sausage when trying to lure it to the vet’s, it soon learns that your sweetest voice and your best treats are simply devices to trick it. Don’t “burn” your treats, by using them only in bad circumstances. Makes sure you train recall and attention in positive situations only for the vast majority of instances.

Figuring out some modern art in France

You don’t always have to control your dog’s every movement on a walk. Most of the time it isn’t looking for trouble, just for something interesting to sniff. A little bit of give and take is good in my opinion. Go and check what is behind that tree with your dog, then take two steps back and call its name and reward it with something very tasty when it comes. Make sure you don’t only ever call your dog when it is time to stop play, or put the leash on. Convince your dog that being with you does not mean doing something it doesn’t want, or being prevented from doing something it wants, all the time. Simply put, just spending a nice relaxed walk together with your dog will make it trust that you are a nice person to be around, not just someone that shouts commands, and berates it for having fun.

Same thing goes with meeting other dogs. It is not just fine for your dog to meet other dogs, it is something that makes their lives richer and better and teaches them something about doggy interaction every time it happens. It is also an important experience that builds trust. You should guide all dogs, especially those with fearful or aggressive tendencies, through meeting other dogs. I will post at length about this elsewhere, but the most important thing is that you also greet the other owner and the dog, showing confidence and calm.

Going new places - Scotland.

My absolute favourite way to build trust, however, is exploring new places. Taking your dog away on holiday is a fantastic way of building trust, but even a trip to a different park will do. Faced with a new environment, you provide a constant and reassurance to your dog. With both my dogs, I felt that I reached a new level of trust after we went on our first holiday together.

It is often on holidays, or days out, that we have had our best “team-building” experiences. I remember some of these very clearly, and it is not by chance that they relate to situations where my dogs have had to face things they do not like or fear.

Eddie is not keen on getting his paws wet, so he was a little perturbed when we had to cross a stream during a forest walk on holiday in France. There was a narrow plank bridge, and he could quite happily wade across the small stream, if it wasn’t for his dislike for water. There was a narrower place slightly further upstream from the plank, too. We humans crossed swiftly via the plank, but Eddie hesitated. The plank was too narrow for his taste, and the water to cold. He paced to and fro and whined. After trying to cajole him over the plank or through the water for a while, all I achieved was increasing his agitation.

However, this was where I had a chance to solve the problem, not with pleas or with force, but with a little guidance. I went back across, and asked Eddie to follow me along the stream to the narrower place. There I jumped across, in effect showing Eddie the easy way. He quickly came after me, evidently relieved that he didn’t need to go any of the other scary ways.

A simple story, but one that I feel was crucial in our relationship. Now when we come across tricky bits of overgrown path, fallen logs or streams, Eddie looks to me to tell him where to go. If I tell him to come a particular way, he will follow closely behind me. He trusts that I will show him the easiest way. Obviously it wasn’t simply that one time that convinced him, but is a moment that sticks in my mind.

Together on quite a scary bridge!

With Cassie there wasn’t such a defining moment, rather I recall several encounters with gates, fences and similar obstacles. For some reason this extremely relaxed little girl can work herself into a real panic in the face of a low fence or a tight gate. Something about the sensation of being caged scares her. When walking in Scotland with my mother and both dogs, we had to cross the occasional gate. I soon realized that trying to drag or push Cassie through a kissing gate only made her panic. Rather I took it slow and made her walk next to me or very close behind me. Eddie also helped, by going first, with me, and showing Cassie that it wasn’t so bad after all, as long as you stuck with mum.

Cassie still needs to be guided closely through these gates. If I can I try to find her an alternative, like when we encountered a large log on the path, too high to jump over and too low for Cassie’s taste to squeeze under. She keenly followed me the long way around through gorse and shrub, just to avoid the log. She, too, trusts me to guide her, now.

What IS it?

If we walk somewhere unknown to the dogs, they keep much closer tabs on me and listen to me much more than when they are in the same old park. It is at times like these that I feel we have finally made a team, built on mutual trust. I trust them not to go to far away, they trust me to show them the best way around the new place.

However, we wouldn’t have got here without walking together, experiencing the world together, and facing some problems together. Because you can't stage these trust-building moments, the best way is simply to go out there and experience the world with your dog as often and as much as possible. Building a relationship with an animal takes time, just like getting to know a human. If you don’t give your dog and yourself ample time and opportunity to earn each other’s trust, the process will take a long time. Do your dog and yourself a favour and plan a good walk in a new exciting place for the weekend!